What Happens in A-Bot-A-Bad Stays in A-Bot-A-Bad

--> So a lot has happened recently, it appears. Shaykh Osama, the Chief Terrorism Officer of the venture formally known as Al-Qaeda is no more and has left us to wallow alone in this post-apocalyptic pit of our sins. Meanwhile, the US is using the 'pull-out technique' as the alliance dwindles into the diplomatic rupture of the coitus-interuptus of the cozy relations the foreign offices of the two countries had seen over the past decade. If you think about it, it only took one day to change the face of everything as we knew it.
 What happened?
 

Well one thing's for sure, it must have been a highly undramatic event, otherwise its official narrative would have appeared in a little more sensational fashion. However, the shrouded secrecy of the whole affair casts the entire operation which was at the center stage of what can be known as the Anti-9-11 .. no where near as spectacular as its countervalent at the other end of the decade, but certainly no less controversial.
 
Just like 9-11 this happened on an unsuspecting day in the United States (night in Pakistan), and just like 9-11 immediately there was a sleuth of stories, an explosion of explanations and implications in the media. Within minutes the compound turned into a luxury mansion turned into a rickety hideout. One minute Osama was watching videos of himself, the other he was watching porn. One minute he was hiding behind his wife using her as a human shield, the other he was unleashing a barrage of bullets at the intruding Navy Seals, and then he seemed to be unarmed. And the next minute he gets a shot in the head?
And then the infamous "Sea Burial" did its part to unleash a cloud of speculation over the whole deal. Unlike the old Saddam days where we would get pictures of his cavity searches on repeat at all hours, there were no pictures of the Shaykh, no embarrassing videos, and supposedly his body was mercilessly thrown into the sea.. I mean even Hitler was allowed to rest in peace for a couple of decades before his remains were thrown into a river. Alas they didn't want to create a terrorist shrine to kick off the new religion.. but little do they know the spirit they unleashed into the sea was so damn evil that the next Mega Tsunami is headed for the US West Coast  with the face of Osama imbued in the tidal wave that’s going to destroy all US costal cities in the radius. Then they'll say we should've launched his remains off into outer space or something...

Anyway, I digress.. so what really happened that night in Abbottabad, or as Obama would say A-Bot-A-Bad.. to which I would say You Bought A Bad? I Bought A Bad Too.. But You Fo Got A-Bot A-Bot-A-Bad? Too-Botta-Bad! Ab0tabAd is an interesting town to say the least, well saying the least would be that nothing really happens there, I've spent a total of two days there period.. and it doesn't seem the town has any swinging night-life where the Shaykh would be partying it up.. so it was a quiet night the international media tells us.. No Shit! It better be a quiet night in Abb0ttabAd because if it isn't a quiet night that means the day of reckoning must be upon us. That’s probably that one twiterer must have thought when he started twitering .. trust Twitter to mess things up for the element of surprise.. @TheRealOBL was probably also on Twitter checking his updates where he found out that there was a chopper (or two) up in the Abbottabad skies..


So What "Really" happened in Abb0ttabAd? 
Of course like the famous assassinations, Lincoln, Kennedy, Lennon, Morrisson, Cobain etc. we'll never find out what "Really" happened. We might still be able to reconstruct the event as it must have happened...
 
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So we have two helicopters with Navy Seals in them hovering around over a dingy "hideout" in Bilal Town, Abbottabad. One of them lands near by fluttering subtly in the blackness of the night, the other hovers above in a loose circle. A handful of professional looking Navy Seals disembark the Gunship and secure the outside premises and give cover to the few who proceed inside. There is a slight altercation and some gunshots are heard as weapons fire but it quickly implodes back into the silence of the night. Soon the Navy Seals emerge from inside with a tall skinny figure, struggling under restraint, being transported in cuffs. They all re-embark the chopper with their single high-value asset. Approximately 5-7 seconds later the Gunship explodes to smithereens with the other still hovering above watching the night engulf the explosion suffocating the burning embers of a helicopter carcass...
 
What happened??
 
Wait lets rewind a bit. Now Shaykh Bin-Laden was no simple idiot. He is the alleged mastermind of the 9-11 attacks, so he must have something in his oversized noggin. He had to have foreseen this day long before, every high-value target knows that its better to bite the bullet, slit the throat, tie the noose than to become hostage to the assailants. Anyway, so Osama must have had the R&D team at Al-Qaeda Inc. to design an Improvised Explosive Device (the infamous IED.. not to be confused with EID which is a Muslim Holiday), but not just any Improvised Explosive Device, it would be a rectal device installed in the anal cavity. The device wouldn't be triggered through a button or a wireless signal (you don't want to put the dignity of  your hole in someone else’s hands after all) so it would be triggered through a complex sequence of sphincter muscle motions known exclusively to the Shaykh himself. It had to have been a complex sequence because a simple one might have the risk of 'going off' while asleep.
So when you see Osama struggling with the Navy Seals, he isn't actually struggling at all, he's just pretending to struggle while going through the motions of an intricate sequence of up-down, contraction-relaxation motions to time it just right. He might have messed it up a couple of times of course, having to restart the process all over again, but he must have gotten it right the last try...
And Ka-Boom the chopper explodes, fuel-tank, motor, and that infamous rudder all together in one big blitz.. gone up in smoke.. no remains.. no heroes.. nothing.. its like it never even happened. But here's the tricky part.. If he did pull it off, then that means Shaykh Osama died by the bullet.. he blew himself up killing everyone around him suicide-blast style. Now that creates some complications, not only has the operation been robbed of its seamless success, but also instead of dampening young terrorist enthusiasm all over the world, this would spark more Jihadism in their blood than ever so that the many headed hydra can start growing more of its multiplying heads...
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How do you cover up such a huge blunder? no body .. no nothing...poof .. gone.
No wonder Obama pronounced it the way he did .. A-Butt-A-Bad.. he obviously knows how to pronounce Abbottabad (look at his precise pronunciation of Paakistan).. and Abbott is a British name to begin with.. It had to have been those weary details from the CIA intel wire that were still hovering around in his head impeding him from the smoothness of his delivery with which he would have everyone think that it was a clean deal. It was the butt that messed things up in Abb0ttabAd...
Of course it happened in Abb0ttabAd .. and only the dark silence of the night knows the secrets of Bilal Town...